My dirty little secret

Posted on September 27, 2015 by admin

Aaahhhh school holidays, a time that some mums love and some dread. I sit on the fence when it comes to school holidays. I enjoy doing the fun stuff with the kids, movies, play dates, lunching and just hanging at home and love the lack of schedule, no yelling and screaming to put shoes on grab bags, jumpers, hats (I’m sure you get the picture). But even with all the fun some days you just need an hour to yourself to have a shower, do a workout, plan or prepare dinner, I’m sure there are some mums nodding along with me (please tell me you are). And I am blessed that I can take the kids to work with me when I need to (the perks of working for family).

This holidays I have taken things to a whole new level of “falling off the wagon”.

The last day of school was a Friday which also coincided with my husband going on an overseas trip and a 7am drop off at the airport, this was all fine, followed by kids dropped at school/daycare on time and me heading off to work. On the way to work I realised I needed fuel in my car so I stopped to fill ‘er up. Well the sales and marketing people at Coles saw me coming, 2 family blocks of chocolate for $7 what a bargain and $2 large bags of chips, “I’ll have 2 bags of those thanks” after all it was Friday and people might pop in over the weekend (this is what I do to justify it to myself). And there began the downhill spiral that was the next 10 days.

On the way home from work I did a quick run to the bottle shop for some supplies for the week and promptly bragged jokingly about it on Instagram.

With a post that went something like this “Should be almost enough to get me through the 1st week of the #schoolholidays

Whilst I won’t bore you with the details of every morsel that I ate and drank, I’ll give you a list of what I can remember about my total debacle of a week* (*10 days).

3 family blocks of Cadbury chocolate
Somewhere in the vicinity of 4 large bags of chips
Half a litre of Ice Cream
2x Schnitzel Cotoletta (this is a chicken schnitzel topped with Bolognese meat and melted cheese, I didn’t even know it existed, epic find)
1 loaf of Sourdough in about 3 days often doused in butter and peanut butter (up to 3-4 pieces at a time)
Copious amounts of other bread products
KFC twister and Crusher
Movie popcorn (I shared it, because that makes it all better)
Double choc-top (because a single just wasn’t enough and it was barely past breakfast)
Several Frozen cokes
A bottle of champagne every night and 2 a night over this last weekend (I’m not an alcoholic, they go to meetings)
Late night cheese and crackers

And there was much more; many Chai lattes, a few Iced Chocolates, cakes, biscuits (that didn’t even taste that good), burgers with the whole bun on (gasp).

I was mindfully eating poorly at almost every meal. Sort of defeated the purpose of the last few weeks in cutting out sugar from my cups of Tea.

I’m not blaming any 1 thing for this out of control week* I was still a functioning adult, the kids were still well looked after mainly because of my dirty little secret.

The really bad shit comes out after dark.

I try not to eat the bad food in front of the kids, you know to set a good example and all that. When they ask for desert I like to respond with fruit and proceed to list everything that we have, they can also have yoghurt if we have any and on a very rare occasion a tube ice-block. So my house is not a barrage of junk because as you can see I often have no self control. The chocolate wouldn’t even get mentioned until they were fast asleep and really there was no-one to mention it to.

My ~~addiction~~ love of reality TV still continues and the latest season of The Biggest Loser Australia has just started. Whilst I was not in any way as BAD as the show made the contestants out to be, they were inhaling entire pizza’s while sitting alone in a car or consuming litres upon litres of ice-cream for breakfast, having a whole tray of lasagne for lunch that should feed a family, I was my own kind of BAD.

I would have to say this is my longest stint of BAD that I have had in over 5 years. Normally I can manage a good day or 2 in a BAD week, but for some reason I couldn’t get off this downhill spiral. I got to Thursday morning and thought it was almost the weekend, so why start now? Normally I can talk myself out of that mindset but not that day.

I even tampered with my own Typo light box motivational message.

But amongst all of these BAD food choices I was still exercising and setting goals, in fact setting some big ass goals. 1 of which was commencing training for a Marathon on the Concept 2 Indoor Rowing machine and the other signing up to compete in the primo 2k Rowing event a the upcoming Australian Indoor Rowing Championships (I’ve been retired from that event for the last 6 years). So in line with my new training regime I sat on the rower for an hour, my body was screaming at me, “what are you doing to yourself” but even that didn’t stop me eating crap shortly after.

So what have I gained from eating like a piggy? Well about 3 kilos, a continual bloated feeling and generally feeling quite down in the dumps.

What have I lost? The ability to fit in some of my clothes, my motivation and self esteem.

What am I going to do about it? Dust off the chip crumbs and get myself together. With another week of the school holidays to go and a long weekend thrown in there and a holiday coming up this can’t go on. Stop blaming little speed humps in my life, FOCUS on the positive, because there is a lot to be happy and positive about and maybe re-word my Typo light board. Any suggestion?

School Holiday fun with my cherubs.

I’m NOT with the Band

Posted on April 28, 2015 by admin

Twenty something years ago I was an amateur Band Manager and my Saturday night quote was “I’m with the Band”. My weekends were spent having a couple lot of drinks and watching live bands in some seedy awesome establishments.

Not actual band I managed, but they were almost as good.
Image Courtesy of http://www.rockbandaide.com

Fast forward 20 years and the only bands, I’m talking about are hair bands for my mummy bun and my daughters pigtails.

The other band I am not afraid to talk about is my Lapband or Gastric Band. I got my lapband in June 2010, (read about that here) because I didn’t want to be morbidly obese and pass on my poor food habits to my children. In the 10 years leading up to having my daughter I had put on 50kgs (read about that here). From having my Lapband in until now I have maintained a 22-25kg weight loss. I have no regrets.

But for the past few years my Lapband has been causing me grief with reflux that medication couldn’t always control. This in turn inflamed lower oesophagus and stomach ulcers (that I didn’t know I had), caused internal bleeding (which I didn’t know about) and these unknown complications potentially caused me to pass out while shopping one day with both my kids (5 and 1 year olds), really scary stuff. I was thankful to be in Athlete’s Foot Wollongong at the time buying school shoes for my daughter and I joked about the price of her shoes causing the fainting episode. The store owner, staff and random members of the public were amazingly helpful and the kids and I got a free ride in an ambulance.

Initially after some tests they thought my fainting was caused by dehydration and low blood pressure, which dropped substantially when going from lying to standing position. A follow up appointment with my doctor 2 days later and it was discovered that it was a combination of all of the above complications. So although the Lapband wasn’t the cause of this it was a bi-product.

So after the last few years of procrastinating about getting my Lapband fixed or removed it all came to a head and I made the decision to have it removed. I went in for surgery just before Easter for what was potentially a 1 or 2 night stay that turned into 3 nights. The surgeon did warn me that getting it out can be a longer recovery than putting it in and he was not wrong. I had really low blood pressure, blurred vision and vomiting and I felt just plain awful.

So 4 weeks post-surgery I am on the mend, I’m back to the gym on light weights and cardio, getting my head around eating well with no restrictions. I will see my surgeon again in 3 months and I have set a weight loss goal of 9kgs. I am focusing on low carb (not cutting carbs completely) and high protein style eating plan as per his recommendations and every other reputable trainer, coach, dietician etc I have ever met.

I am terrified of weight gain. I have just got to the point in my recovery where I am feeling hungry, I have passed through the liquid diet phase of my recovery and had my chocolate binge, milk and milo fix and ice-cream binges (because they are a liquid) and I have thankfully stopped that shenanigans.

My latest mantra is “Don’t waste the fortuity”, (because opportunity wouldn’t fit on my Typo Lightbox) I have to remember that the last almost 5 years with the Lapband have not been easy and I have slogged out countless hours of exercise, mummy guilt abandoning the family to go to the gym, emotional rollercoasters, stress, relationship struggles and wondering if I had done the right thing, to let it all slip away by eating and drinking stupidly.

Weight-loss is made in the kitchen so I am focusing on this primarily and exercise secondly because, honestly, the exercise for me is the easy part.

So the future is uncertain but I am going to give it my all now that I am no longer “with the Band”.

I’m having a moment

Posted on November 19, 2014 by admin

Tonight I am spiralling out of mental control. I am analysing and over-analysing my life, my goals, my body, my family, my reasons for doing all that I do and trying to figure out why I am doing it and who I am doing it for.

Tonight’s options as I saw them were A) go and have a shower and go to bed and everything will be fine tomorrow and I will just carry on doing what I am doing, or B) write that crazy shit down and share it with the world.

It all started tonight with my weekly group PT session, I took my little dude “Mr Just Turned 1” and asked my friend to bring her daughter to play with him. Whilst she did her best to entertain him, about 20 minutes into the class he got a glimpse of me and starting screaming, several attempts to calm him and get back to the class failed, I assumed he was probably tired, so I packed us up and went home, I don’t know about you but I can’t finish a workout hearing my baby crying.

The next thing that was getting me worked up was my daughter reading the Junk Mail toy catalogues and getting all excited about Christmas. I was trying to calm her down and say you can ask for things but you may not get them. How do you explain this to a 5 year old, who gets almost everything she asks for? I really want her to have a lean Christmas and not for any other reason than she has too much stuff. Last year after opening all her presents she said where are the rest, it made me want to cry.

So I thought my spiralling mental state was caused by an interrupted workout, upgraded by a spoilt 5 year old. I then started the plotting and planning with my husband as to his start time and when I might be able to get some kid free time at the gym, and I opted for 5am tomorrow, but really who wants to be at the gym at 5am.

The next mass of analysing and in no particular order:
why am I going to the gym so much;
I should be spending more time with my kids;
why do I feel guilty about working out;
why did I even contemplate taking little dude to an evening class, he needs to be home snuggling with a bottle;
why did I have lapband surgery when I still eat crap A LOT;
why am I dreaming of losing weight when I eat the wrong foods;
why can’t I be happy as I am and therefore stop going to the gym;
was I happier when I was fatter and inactive;
why am I nagging my husband to go to the gym when clearly it is not something he wants to do;
does he resent me for nagging him, when all I want is for him to be healthy;
why am I like I am;
why have I had such issues with food ALL MY LIFE;
why should I go to the gym at 5am, what is the point;
maybe I’m not spending enough quality time with my daughter and she is compensating by asking for things, you know PRESENCE not PRESENTS;
what can I eat RIGHT NOW, I’m upset so I deserve something;
would I be happy if I was at my goal weight;
why is my house such a mess, maybe I should spend less time at the gym and more time cleaning;
(I was vacuuming with tears whilst all these crazy thoughts were going around in my head)

I could keep going on ……….

Now amongst all of these negative thoughts I did have a few positives:
I go to the gym because I feel better after;
I’m really enjoying my indoor rowing and training for something (half marathon on the rower);
I prefer to workout for fitness not for weight loss;
I deserve a little ME time every once in a while;
I love to hate running;
running is stupid but now I can do it because I taught myself;
I enjoy being around people.

So there it is, tonight’s mind on a PLATTER (and there’s that food thing again).

Anyone care to share that they could be as loopy as me, don’t leave me hanging out here in crazy land all by myself.

Meal Planning – Week 2

Posted on March 23, 2014 by admin

So here we are wrapping up week 2 of my 36 Day Challenge. The first week of the Challenge focused on nutrition with the aim to eat 5-6 good meals per day, this week was focusing on exercise but not forgetting about nutrition.

So again I did a meal plan and my friends and Facebook followers were keen for me to post some dinner ideas again. So this week I will give you a rundown on my meal plan plus 1 of my favourite lunch options and a few great snack ideas.

So the meal plan looked like this:
Mon – Balsamic Steak with cannellini mash (Actual meal – yep I did it I ate what I planned)
Tue – BBQ chicken burgers (Actual meal – yep did it again)
Wed – Beef and vegetable lasagne (Actual meal – 3 days in a row boom)
Thur – Beef Pie with garlic peas (Actual meal – leftover lasagne, why cook when you can reheat)
Fri – Homemade Pizza (Actual meal – Homemade Pizza chicken and pesto pizza)
Sat – Healthy Take-away (Actual meal – Homemade Pizza again)
Sun – Beef Strog (won’t be having this tonight as we are going out so will have to make good choices).

Some snack ideas I have run with this week were homemade hommus and carrot sticks, peanut butter flourless muffins and my “always have in my handbag” option of mixed nuts (properly weighed portions of all of these pre-made).

My favourite fast and easy lunch this week, smoked salmon, cream cheese and rocket wrap. Delicious.

So again I was pretty happy with my food choices and what I put in my mouth all week, except Friday night Pizza was accompanied by homemade margaritas. I am pleased that even though I have scheduled it in, there has been no take-away for dinners.

So food wise I would rate that I was about 80% on track (damn those margaritas) and exercise 120% all 4 sessions planned were done plus an extra session (as punishment for margaritas) and the Fit Fab Forty monthly push-up challenge is continuing.

Planning is about to commence for Week 3 but needless to say there are lots of good options stocked up in the freezer and fruit and veg shopping has been done.

I will leave you with these wise words from the EnVie Challenge booklet:

“There are so many tomorrows….. DO IT NOW”

PS: I’m a little bit scared for tomorrow’s half way Weigh and Measure I never like the scales.

Meal Planning – this is new to me

Posted on March 17, 2014 by admin

So last Monday I started a 36 Day Challenge with my gym EnVie, encompassing nutrition and exercise. It teaches you what to eat and when to eat it and most important key to success is meal planning.

I have meal planned before but not for a loooong time. My normal routine would be to open the fridge see my ingredients, if nothing popped into my head I would hit up Google and usually find something tasty to make. I may plan 1 day in advance to put something in the Slow cooker the morning before work but that’s about it. I must say hubby is no help in the dinner department, when I ask what he feels like the usual responses are “I don’t know” or “what do you feel like”. And let’s not go there when I ask Miss 4, her responses range from “Old McDonalds” to a “Restaurant”, we don’t eat out that much so I don’t know where that comes from. I am often cooking 2 meals or variations to suit everyone including myself so this week I was attempting to limit the different meals and plan ahead.

So the meal plan looked like this:
Sun – Lamb Rissoles with sweet potato chips (Actual Meal – Lamb rissoles with flatbread, tzaziki and rocket)
Mon – Beef stroganoff with cauliflower puree (Actual Meal – Beef and vegetable lasagne)
Tue – Beef and vegetable lasagne (Actual meal – beef and vegetable Lasagne)
Wed – Chicken Rosemary hotpot (Actual meal – chicken Rosemary hotpot)
Thur – Chicken enchiladas (Actual meal – Lamb cutlets with parmesan herb crust)
Fri – Homemade Pizza (Actual meal – Homemade Pizza chicken and pesto pizza)
Sat – Thai take-away making better choices (Actual meal – Homemade chicken tenders)

I don’t often like a full length photo but I felt really good in this outfit and received lots of compliments.

So all in all fairly close to the plan and everything except Sat’s dinner out of the 36 Day Challenge Recipe List. Saturday I was allowing myself a non-judgemental day with food and alcohol as I went to the races for a friend’s birthday. In saying that I was better behaved than normal in both departments and opted to come home after the races instead of kicking on with the girls and actually got up to do an 8am Sunday training session.

Variations were minimal for Miss 4, she had mince and homemade corn chips out of flatbread instead of lasagne, her chicken was not in the hotpot and her lamb was not herb crusted.

So food wise I would rate that I was about 80% on track and exercise 100% all 4 sessions planned were done, plus the Fit Fab Forty monthly push-up challenge was about 90% done on the right day.

Planning and shopping list all done for Week 2 so I will leave you with these wise words

“PROPER PLANNING PREVENTS POOR PERFORMANCE”

Eating Disorder – I’m not Fat

Posted on March 7, 2014 by admin

Eating disorders can come in many forms, anorexia, bulemia, binge eating and many many more. I look back at my history and believe I have a form of eating disorder, I thought it could have been a Reverse Anorexia but that is a known muscle dysmorphia, definitely not what I have.

My (unnamed) problem over the years was more about looking in the mirror and turning on an angle and sucking myself in putting on nice clothes, applying make-up and saying to myself “you are not fat, you look good”.

There is nothing wrong with being happy with how you look but I should have looked a bit closer. I like many other women enjoyed shopping and but I would struggle with finding clothes that fit and looked nice, but I would eventually find them and feel good wearing them. And each time I bought the next size up I would blame the factories for inconsistent sizing. I often got compliments like “you dress really nice for a big girl”. I was also a keen shopper for “gut sucking” granny nickers, shorts and camisole’s and I wore them all the time (and still do).

Reality would hit when I saw a photo of myself from an unflattering angle and then I would almost blame the person who took the photo.

It seems a lot of other people were blamed for my issues.

Don’t get me wrong I knew I was Plus Size and I knew the weight was creeping on (read about it here), I was obviously enjoying life too much and wasn’t ready for change. It wasn’t until I was due to get married that I thought I didn’t want to be a fat bride and embarked on my own NFB (No Fat Bride) campaign with my personal trainer. Whilst I lost a little bit of weight, I could have lost more before the big day and it is a regret I will have to live with.

In recent years the weight loss programs that have sparked my interest are those that promote “Lifestyle Changes” and my motto has been to make better choices every day.

When the next 36 day challenge came up at my gym EnVie Fitness Woonona, I jumped at the chance to get involved. I am in the best headspace that I can remember so I am on a mission. I have learned a lot this week about weight-loss using food and exercise to my advantage so it is time to put that knowledge into practice. The official start date is Monday 10th March but I am not waiting lifestyle changes begin now.

If anyone is doing The 36 Day Challenge at EnVie Fitness Woonona if you post anything about the challenge on Facebook or Instagram use the hashtag #enviewoonona36daychallenge if you are making any other lifestyle changes use #everydaybetterchoices or use both. I look forward to reading up on how everyone else is going.

It’s not too late to sign up and join in.

The Week that was – back to normal

Posted on March 17, 2013 by admin

With hubby back in town it was a chance to get back to some sort of normality.

Monday I headed off to my Trainer for my normal evening session and got myself back on the Indoor Rower. With a few Indoor rowing events happening this year Pioneer Fitness Indoor Rowing Fundraiser on 2 June 2013 and National Indoor Rowing Championships on 14 Sept 2013, it is time to get back on the rower. I actually rode my bike to get there (about 15 mins each way) and then did a 10 minute warm up and then 3x 8 minute rows with a 3 minute rest in between. Considering I haven’t been on the rower for a few months it felt good I rowed to a HR of 150bpm, plus a few sit-ups during the 3 min rest.

Tuesday was our normal swimming lesson for Miss 3 and then managed to make it to Buggy Fit class where we did some running around a grassy oval, 1 fast lap, 1 recovery lap. I challenged myself to run the whole way at my own pace and tried to push myself as well. In between running laps we were doing some horrific exercises, including Turkish get-ups, Tricep dips, Prisoner get-ups and push-ups. All those “Ups” were hard. After several sets of running and exercises on a pretty warm day I was working up a good sweat and really enjoyed a good hard session.

Prisoner Get-Ups – try 20 of these in your workout.

Turkish Get-Ups – Try 20 of these without weights.

Wednesday I was too tired for my early morning swim.

Thursday I headed to my gym EnVie and did a cardio session including 20 mins on the treadmill, 4 min warm up, 1 min fast 1 minute slow, by the time I was properly warmed up I was doing my 1 minute fast at 10 and 10.5 kph, pretty happy with that. After I got home I carried on with my renovations punching nails down in the floorboards and filling all the holes, ready for Saturday’s planned sanding day.

Friday I had no time for exercise instead an early morning trip to the Chiropractor before work, finally getting my hips, back, neck and shoulders in alignment.

Saturday in lieu of exercise I opted for an early morning trip to the Hardware store to hire a floor sander and spent the better part of my morning dust covered and on a mission to get the floor in Hubby’s office finished. The afternoon was spent putting 2 coats of urethane on the floor at 3 hour intervals.

The finished floorboards. Next job painting.

Sunday I pottered around the house and finished another 2 coats on the floor, not very active at all. Then in the afternoon I headed out for High Tea with a couple of friends from Mothers Group, very nice nibbles and great conversation.

So as normal as normal can be but with only a 3 good workouts this week I need to get a few more in next week.

What is your goal for this week?

Have a great week everyone.

The Week That Was # 2

Posted on September 2, 2012 by admin

So this week feels like I have gone backwards with my exercise. For some reason Monday morning I could not drag myself anywhere to do any form of exercise and Monday night was no better, I was however focused on food and preferred to stay in and cook a delicious (but healthy) dinner.

Tuesday I went to my first mums and bubs/kids outdoor class, it was down on the beach and Miss 2.75 did not want to stay with the carer but instead chose to hang off mummy for the first half hour. So whilst everyone else was running up and down the beach I was doing short sprints so I could stay near where she was and she was running behind me. Then I was doing squats holding her, it was not fun as she would not let me go 2 steps away from her without having a tantrum. I was determined to do as much as I could. So for the last 15 minutes of the class she eventually went off to build sandcastles with the carer and other kids and I managed to get away for the final run down the beach. Dare I say running on sand was HARD but satisfying and doing sit-ups, planks etc on sand I ended up looking like a schnitzel. The reward afterwards was a delicious Chai latte for me and baby milkshake for Miss 2.75.

Wednesday morning I woke up not feeling 100% but managed to get in a 14k bike ride before work.

Wednesday night I was still not feeling great but dragged myself to my PT for a bit of a row and some weights. He did take it easy on me compared to my training buddies. And this is where my exercise finished.

Thursday I woke up terribly stuffed up in the head, really sore throat like swallowing razor blades, blowing my nose constantly feeling pretty ordinary all round. I self-medicated and started taking an anti-biotic that the doc had prescribed a while back. The sore throat has gotten better but the runny nose is still annoying. Today I am feeling a little bit better and I am hoping that I will miraculously wake up in the morning, jumping out of my skin and feeling the desire to go for a run.

I have had a major improvement in my eating, sticking to an average of 1500-1600 calories per day for the entire week except today, I do allow myself a day off or preferably a meal as I can go overboard in a whole day. We went to Yum Cha today for Fathers Day lunch.

Next week’s goal, keep up the food tracking and increase the exercise.

Fit and Fabulous after Forty

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